"I love you" isn't enough
Don't love. But do this.
Raw and Real Conversation
(Note from Nishtha: Please stay with this one till the end. I promise you will love the last 3 lines :)
Love is the most fundamental human need.
Sadly, today it has translated into a mere deed.
I’m not talking about the romantic kind of love. Rather the love that permeates every single one of our conversations, should we choose to.
When you are filled with love, you truly listen to everyone.
Your colleagues.
Friends.
Family.
Strangers you start talking to on airplanes, train or even metro.
You will listen to them even if you disagree with their core values. And if they make sense, you will be ready to change your stance.
But it all begins with one thing: Loving yourself.
People think loving yourself is a selfish thing. “What is the point of working out or meditating in the morning if you could just scroll reels for another 2 hours?”
Well, self love is doing the hard things.
If love was easy, the world would be a happier place, isn’t it?
Which is why, love is hard. Which is why, the world isn’t as happy a place as it should be. Which is why, we must go the hard route of loving ourselves first.
(Aren’t all hard things the easiest things to do? Anyhow…)
Because you love yourself, you also love human beings, and logical conversations. Thus, you are happy not staying rigid on your singular point of view.
As a result of being love as your default state of being, you are okay changing your opinions too. Because now you know you are more than an opinion.
Which brings me, to the people we love and care about.
Why do two people in love drift apart?
Do they stop “loving” each other? I doubt.
But love in itself is a scary misery.
In order for love to blossom, it always has to begin from within.
Just like I can’t teach you how to play piano if I haven’t touched it ever.
With time, people fall into the humdrums of responsibilities and hyenas of realism that they forgot to fill themselves up. As a result, they expected their loved one to “love” them.
Hey, you love me, right? Now pour it over to me. Will you not do this much for me?
The sad part is, though, when you don’t love yourself, you become like the heated surface of an iron frying pan. No matter how much someone else pours onto you, it is bound to instantly evaporate. It’s scientific.
On the other hand, when you do love yourself, love flows through you. It becomes your nature. Thus, you are also empowered to love everyone else.
This kind of self-love isn’t about going to a spa, skipping work, going shopping, taking a vacation, or doing all of that.
All of these, when done purposefully to avoid a situation, are distractions disguised as self-love.
When you truly love yourself, you work on your mind and body to the core.
You read books.
You clean up your environment.
You eat healthy.
You eat on time.
You workout.
You meditate.
You look for what is working even in the middle of an apparently difficult situation.
What happens as a result of this self-love is beyond miraculous.
Because you invest 2-3 hours every day for yourself, your understanding of yourself deepens.
As a result of that, you automatically radiate that energy out into the world. As within, so without.
You are now not only loving the people around you.
You are making them feel seen.
You are not objecting to their point of view.
You are being objective to really, really, understand where they are coming from.
If you pause for a moment to think about it, this is exactly what people want. All the people. Every single one.
Let me share an example.
I once had a friend who would talk over the phone, text, etc., but if I would talk anything important, they would give you a lecture (to copy their word) about their point of view; without really understanding where I was coming from.
After a while when I did try to put this point across, I was either met with silence (like literally, worded as hmmm) or another lecture. It became so imprisoning that after more than a year of trying and requesting, I walked out of that friendship with utter silence.
By not responding to texts and calls for a very long time.
Or by receiving a call once in a quarter/six months instead of the usual 2x-3x a week. I felt guilty for doing so, but I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I am never that person. Ever. Communication is my biggest value. Which is why, when my value of communication was not met, despite pleading and almost begging, I chose to walk away. To save myself. Because being in that friendship was being open to bleeding through all my skin pores and expecting the other person carried a bandage along.
Bro, they didn’t even see you were bleeding.
Did that friend not love me? Of course they did.
But that is all they did. Sans understanding. Sans listening. Sans just being there.
And this was a friendship. Imagine people being in romantic relationships or families like this. A part of me sometimes believes friends are greater treasures than family.
Which brings us to the understanding, that:
Love without listening and understanding is a prison.
The only way to get people out of that prison is to make sure you aren’t in one already.
Growing up in the 90s, my elder sister was a huge fan of Jagjit Singh. She would often save up her pocket money to buy his latest cassettes.
As much as I hated the slow music with lyrics that didn’t make sense, a lot of what he used to say make sense now.
One of those lines was:
“Tum tasalli na do, sirf baithe raho…waqt kuch mere marne ka tal jayega…”
Translated:
You needn’t console me for anything. Just be here. That in itself will delay my demise.
Just be here.
Raw One-Liners:
You are much bigger than what someone said to you in a snap.
(Share this on X)The thing that gives you the most pain is the thing that holds your power. Use it instead of letting it use you.
(Share this on X)
(For) Real inspiring quotes from books/blogs I read:
Don’t be the best. Be the only. (Excellent Advice for Living, Kevin Kelly)
Perhaps the best strategy for lottery tickets is not to buy one.
Your odds go up when you do useful and remarkable work for people who care. (How to buy a lottery ticket, Seth Godin)
The real point of doing anything is to be happy, so do only what makes you happy. (Anything you want, Derek Sivers)
Wish you loads of understanding,
Stay raw, stay real, and never stop reading :)
Nishtha Gehija
Whenever you are ready, here are some of my ebooks that would help you get at least 1% better in your game of life (you can access them instantly):
The Corporate Life Handbook: The book everyone working a corporate job needs :)
The Career Changing Guide: My bestseller so far :)
How to Deal with Heartbreak: Because, life happens :(
Every Writer Needs to Read this: I wish I had this one, when I was starting out as a writer
This is What You are Looking for (Paperback): Small Life Lessons for a Happier Life
Thoroughly enjoyed the read Nishtha!