STOP being a giver
It is hurting you more than helping you
Hey Friends,
Adam Grant is one of my favourite thinkers. I read his first book “Give and Take” more than 9 years ago, and it instantly clicked.
Some of the most beautiful things about the book that clicked with me (and for all givers) were:
The best way to get to the top is to focus on bringing others with you.
Nice guys need not finish last.
There’s something distinctive that happens when givers succeed: it spreads and cascades.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
It takes time for givers to build goodwill and trust, but eventually, they establish reputations and relationships that enhance their success.
It is an absolute marvel of research, writing and understanding—a highly recommend book for everyone.
However, once you have read the book for a while and forgotten its lessons, you only remember the core message: Givers rock.
And that’s disastrous.
Because the book also highlights:
How smart givers avoid becoming doormats, and why this kind of success has the power to transform not just individuals and groups, but entire organisations and communities.
The worst performers and the best performers are givers; takers and matchers are more likely to land in the middle.
If you look at it deeply, being a giver is NOT always about winning. If you let people walk over you, you may become a doormat and the worst performer in the team as well.
That is not what you want to sign up for, do you?
Which is why, you must be a giver, but not at the cost of taking away from yourself.
Read that again.
You must be a giver, but not at the cost of taking away from yourself.
It reminds me of so many times I have become a giver, at the cost of allowing people to walk over me.
Someone once hired me for Service X, and took consultation on Service Y too.. Worse? I thought they were friend while all they were doing were take as much as they could.
Another time, someone on the internet reached out for consultation, and keep texting for more time, more advice, more chats with her. Worse? Once I responded, they disappeared! Without any gratitude, acknowledgement or even coming back on how that helped them.
Or something that happens in families too—we allow our toxic loved ones to be toxic with us, considering "our nature of being a giver” would heal them. Little do we realise, we are the ones who need our love the most.
In all these cases, I do not think the other person was or is wrong. They just try to make the best of what they have, because they think empathy is a vestigial organ.
What I should have done, rather, is draw my boundaries loud and clear; and stay true to them.
If I stay true to my boundaries, there is no way someone else can override them.
If I violate my boundaries all of the time, I teach people to do that too.
So, my wonderful friend, be an absolute giver. Don’t stop being one. There is no good deed in this world than to keep the flow of goodness going.
Just that, always remember being a giver begins with you.
Nothing could flow out of an empty cup.
Except emptiness.
2 Raw One Liners:
You cannot outsource motivation.
Refuelling from work is how you get the fuel for your work
3 Real Gratitudes:
Sunshine: This is the best time of the year in Delhi, I’d like to believe most parts of India. May we all take some moments to soak in the sun. Nothing energises like it.
The healing power of books: I have acute pity on people who say they don’t have time to read the books. Because they don’t realise, they will have more time once they start reading books!
Journal: Every New Year, my father gets a note book as a gift from one of his business associates, and every single year, without fail, he passes it on to me. Here are some of my journals form the past 4 years. It not only shows his love, but also how I have evolved as a person from the entries 4 years ago, to today.
Thank you for reading this edition of Raw and Real, friends.
I am super thankful to every single one of you reading, sharing, and even writing back to me :)
On that note, I have a special announcement to make:
I am releasing two books together in June 2025, around my birthday.
Book 1 is about: Things I wish I knew at 20
Life lessons I wish truly, truly wish I knew at 20 to make wiser decisions.
Book 2 is called Raw and Real
It is going to be a book one-liners (like the Raw One Liners of this newsletter), for those who want quick one-line reads instead of one-page chapters.
Will share the updates and progress on the books every week in this newsletter.
I cannot wait for you to read it. You are so going to be loving it!! ❤️
Alright then, friends.
Stay raw, stay real, never stop reading :)
Nishtha Gehija
LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter
Whenever you are ready, I’d love for you to read my e-books. Get them with an instant access:
The Corporate Life Handbook: The book everyone working a corporate job needs :)
The Career Changing Guide: My bestseller so far :)
How to Deal with Heartbreak: Because, life happens :(
Every Writer Needs to Read this: I wish I had this one, when I was starting out as a writer
This is What You are Looking for (Paperback): Small Life Lessons for a Happier Life