What hitting rock bottom looks like...

I had never thought I would feel this way…

Hey People!

This is 6th edition of Raw and Real, where we talk about:

1 Thing I wanted to share with you
2 One Liner observations on Life :)
3 Gratitudes for the smallest things in life

(PS: Before we start, can you please drag your email from Promotions tab to “Inbox” - so that Google sees it is not promo, and helps us reach more people :)) Thank you <3

Let’s go:

The 1 difficult thing I wanted to share with you

I have always been a fan of minimalism.

Which is the reason, I have been staying in a one-room apartment for a long time.

Because my last job entailed working from home, I have thousands of memories of that job annealed to that one room apartment.

I remember the spot where I had my first virtual 1:1.
The spot where I had a long 1:1 on how things needed to change and how I was doing really well.
The spot where I once cried. And controlled myself.
The spot where I was sitting when the “exceed expectations” email came.
The spot where we had multiple zoom conversations for “Get Epic Shit Done”.
The spot where I had a difficult conversation with a colleague to let go of them.
The spot where I sent that fab email I was so proud of.

At the end of last month, i.e, 30th June, I moved on from my last job.

The notice period was April-June.

While April was spent contemplating if I wanted to stay back in another role in the same company, from May-July, i.e. in the last 90 days, I have spent no more than 20 days at my home in Noida.

All of this, unconsciously!

There are innumerable memories I have of that job in my home.
Because I was 200% committed to it while I was there.
Heck, I didn’t even get a health insurance for my family or renewed my domain nishthagehija dot com (which is now taken over by some Chinese website!) because I had thought I would be working in that job forever (funny, I know).

Come 1st July, when I was out of that job (and was staying at my hometown Kota for two weeks), I had actually moved on.

I never remembered that job so much, mainly because I had given it all.

However, off-late I am also realising that staying in my space in Noida will bring up tons of memories.

And it feels like a rock-bottom, because:

a. I am here in my life to fly but I also have to clear off things in my head that may keep me from flying.
b. I had anticipated missing the job but that didn’t happen and this unanticipated lot of my own head came up :)

Now, it is going to take effort for me to create new memories.
Even though life is working out well from career point of view.
I have met 3-4 very interesting people that I would have never reached out to, had I been in the same space.

However, because I have been unconsciously running away from my very place, my sense of “home” has gone amiss, without me being aware.

…

Tomorrow I’ll return to Noida again.

This time around, I have decided to not leave from there earlier than 30th August (because ghar par rakshabandhan ke liye jaana hai).

I have some plans to create new memories in this one month.
Some plans to be my old self.
And some concrete decisions to dance to reels (no, I ain’t gonna post). Yasss!!

Around the 30th August issue of the newsletter, I’ll let you know how it went :)

…

We often see the pain of people who have come out of a romantic relationship and are healing.

I also wish we also saw the pain of people who have come out of a relationship with their job.

As much as it was their choice, the pain wasn’t.
As much as healing will happen, acknowledging it will also open doors for its existence instead of denying it.
As much as nothing was anyone’s fault, there are things to be corrected. And there isn’t any shame in correcting them.

If you have been a consistent reader of Raw and Real so far, you know we have a dedicated section for gratitude in this newsletter.

There is so much working out in life that I am very very grateful. Beyond words.

However, I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the unexpected feelings I am feeling, otherwise it would pop out in ever conversation and every silent moment I have.

Not a good thing :)

This is.

And if this helps you see your unseen or unexpected feelings, always know:

We’re all in this together!

2 one-liner observations on life:

• Zindagi bitani nahi hai.
  Zindagi banani hai.

• Tum apni khushi se jo bhi karte ho na, guaranteed success hoti hai. Aur success nahi, to failure mein bhi mazaa aata hai.
  Tum dusro ko dikhane ke liye kuch bhi karte ho na, kitne bhi successful ho jao, andar se khalipan hi rehta hai

3 Gratitudes for the smallest things in life

Because today is the last day of my stay at meditation centre, here is what I am truly grateful for:

1. People who surrender their lives and stay here. No concept of appraisal, weekends, offsites - anything, yet, staying in an ashram (a beautiful one, though), and serving lacs of people who come here every year, while taking care of their spiritual study and meditation daily. If this is not life, what is!

2. There are aunties of our Mom’s ages whose kids have moved on to their nests that come to stay and serve here, only because this is a good use of their time. They serve food, cut veggies, serve milk/tea/coffee, all of this with a smile on their face and a disposable shower cap on their head :)

3. Then comes the Brahma Kumaris centre where I go to daily - this is the centre where sisters stay in every nook and corner of the country, and with whose permission I came over here to serve for 15 days followed by a meditation retreat of 4 days. Had they not existed, corporate people like you and I would never get a taste of how spirituality could be incorporated into our daily lives.

PS: Some of you asked for a detailed experience of the meditation centre. I am in the process of writing that blog, will share it over next week. Till that time, some small bits of my experiences here.

That’s all, ladies and gentlemen.

I’m very happy, grateful and going on a trek today. Don’t worry about me :)

But I hope me sharing what I feel helps you acknowledge yours as well.