When I was 20 (and a big fool)
Okay, we are in here for something :)
Raw and Real Conversation
Hey Friends,
So I thought for long whether I should share this or not.
However, each time I write something from the heart, it helps so many people think deeper, that I guess I must share.
So, let’s go.
When I was 20, I got my heart broken.
I met my best friend the same year, and somehow spending time with her made me fall in love with life again. I had the best time of my life when I was 21 (and during the last year of our college). She’s still my best friend.
Anyhow, college got over and I started focusing on CA Final exams, and she on CS Final exams.
Somehow, that guy reached out to me for friendship again.
Long story short, there was pain and pain and emotional pain that shattered me, before I could finally decide to say no to speaking to him after years.
I can sit around here and do a PhD on the other person, but it isn’t worth it, especially because that person might be eating junk food somewhere and not giving a thought about me, so why we think of them :)
However there are multiple good things that happened to me as a result of that broken friendship:
I realised no one can love you other than you. And if you are empty from within, others will make sure you feel 10x of that.
I learnt to be humble to others. Not because it feels bad to be rejected, but it feels bad to be treated poorly.
I always get back on what I am supposed to do, in work life and in all friendships. Because it pierces you from within when someone says they will call, and they don’t.
I make sure that I ask people what they mean, instead of assuming the worst. It is a disease that breaks more friendships than anything else.
I make sure I don’t make fun of what people do. Having fun with them is different and we all must do. However, feasting on someone else’s emotions isn’t something I will ever do. Because I know, I bad it feels. I share it in detail in “How to deal with Heartbreak.”
I don’t get too upset when friendships or work relationships end. Yes, some of them breaking apart do make you think, but then I remind myself of how I have dealt with worse :)
I am so so so grateful to my existing people, who all love me. I would not realise their importance had I not been treated like non-existent by someone who was once my numero uno.
Realised the importance of financial independence. I was once told “I spent ₹4,000 talking to you.” Yes baby, now no one can say that to me :) Also, if I ever spend money meeting a friend or buying something for my family, it is something I make sure I don’t show off the price to them.
Most importantly, I realised that no matter how good you are or no matter what you do, you will never be good enough for some people. Rather stop wasting your time trying to be good for them.
One of the best things, though, that came out of the multiple years of pain was I figured how to say no. And now we are writing a book on it :) Could it get better than this?
So, why am I telling this to you, my friend?
Because I am not the only one who has been affected by someone who did something bad to me. We all carry what someone else said when we were a kid, a teen, or even after growing up.
Maybe, someone might be carrying something we might have said as well.
The way to live life, then, is:
To make sure every word that comes out of your mouth is something you mean. It isn’t thrown out just in a jiffy.
To make sure you are doing the right thing, with kindness. If people still feel bad, they are doing out of habit, not out of your actions. Bless them well.
To have a life where we have people in our lives only because we are proud of them—not to hide them, not to play with their emotions, not to use them as a defence mechanism for our own pain. Genuinely mean good in all your relationships.
That, will make sure you are not a fool like I was when I was 20.
You have better things to do, right :)
Also, if you are still wondering how I dealt with that valley of my life, I share a ton in my ebook “How to deal with heartbreak” that helps a lot of people have the most practical insights, instead of to-do’s. You will have instant access when you get it.
Even if you don’t get it, I hope you got something meaningful out of today’s email.
That is all, friends.
Wish you loads of happiness and prosperity
Stay raw, stay real
Nishtha Gehija
LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter
Whenever you are ready, here are some of my ebooks that would help you get at least 1% better in your game of life (you can access them instantly):
The Corporate Life Handbook: The book everyone working a corporate job needs :)
The Career Changing Guide: My bestseller so far :)
How to Deal with Heartbreak: Because, life happens :(
Every Writer Needs to Read this: I wish I had this one, when I was starting out as a writer
This is What You are Looking for (Paperback): Small Life Lessons for a Happier Life