You have a dysfunctional family? Tell me one person who hasn't...
Though discomforting, isn't it truly comforting?
Raw and Real Conversation
Family is the source of drama in everyone’s lives. Like, literally everyone :)
I know of no one who has or had a functional family growing up. Even the most resilient, super confident, highly driven yet humble people whom I initially thought were sorted, were also distorted in some way by their childhood influences.
And that’s beautiful.
Not because you and I are sadists lol, but because happy and fulfilled people are an example that we can also get out of the family drama and build our own life outside of it.
It also means you are not alone in your struggles and drama your family unintentionally puts out into your life.
But being aware of each other’s pain is one thing, and dealing with in-person drama is a different thing.
Here is something that has helped me, through tons and tons of banging my head against the wall in pursuit of having meaningful conversations :)
Know that family (including parents) are also kids.
I won’t get upset if my nephews or nieces were mean to me. I would be quiet, and talk to them later. This also means when my parents are mean, I’d rather be quiet. Not because they are right. But because their unhealed inner kid has popped out at the moment :)
Don’t take people seriously.
Have you ever said something and later wished you didn’t say it? We all have been there, done that. So is the case with people. No matter how serious they sound or how much intensity that emotion has, detach yourself from it.
Often, they don’t mean what they said, and also regret it later. Only their ego keeps them from admitting it.
Find your sweet spot.
Like literally. For me, it is my meditation chair in the corner of my room (that has no legs, only seat and back), and there, I sit and speak to God, giving all my arguments which I could not when the drama was taking place, and also let Him guide me to their side of rational arguments. More often than not, the answer comes back to pacify me.
Our values are different
For my Mom, her value is “to be there for her family at all costs” even if overdoing it consistently costs her peace.
For me, it is all about making time for my work and respect my personal space as well, which often sounds alien to parents of millennials/GenZ.
When I remind myself of this difference in values, I see the drama as each of us vying for our own values, instead of standing against each other.
It keeps from not being too absorbed in the drama, and look at it while calmly (trying to) not being a part of it.
Read, watch, read, watch, rinse, repeat
Drama, by default, is someone you love unconsciously attacking you emotionally, and not even taking cognisance of it. And those words keep repeating themselves in your head.
So, I try to read spiritual text, Oprah, or watch really good YouTube videos. And do that for continuous periods of time. Not just once. But over and over again.Really helps.
Lastly, keep forgiving people.
Not because they are right. Not because you condone what they said. But because your mental peace is important. That’s it. Also, does not mean they are allowed to violate boundaries. Nope, they can’t. But they are not so powerful either, that they occupy your mental space. Let them go from your head, my friend.
All of these are a few things that have helped me. If there is something you have to add that has helped you, do reply to this email. I’ll try to compile all of them together and share it as a blog.
Raw One-Liners
When in doubt, the answer is no.
Don’t “do” something to make an unhappy person happy. They won’t. Rather, do it only because you want to do it. So you know whom to blame :)
Your biggest (and lifelong) work is yourself. Everything works out when you do.
Real Gratitude
Off-late, I have stopped posting pictures with my LinkedIn posts. Because I am not someone who clicks a lot of pictures. So when LinkedIn was boosting posts with pictures, I kept looking for ways to get more pictures clicked instead of simply enjoying the moment, which I am great at.
I am so glad I am back to being authentic. Plus, this hard work of writing and being consistent seems so much more fun that clicking pictures did not seem like.
I chose my kind of hard work. Super grateful for that :)
That’s it, ladies and gentlemen.
See you SOON, with one two e-books loading. Writers and freelancers, this might be fun :)
Reads of the week:
What Taylor Swift taught me about writing an e-Book a month
All it needs is just one, ONE shift
Get all our e-Books so far here:
The Career Changing Guide - Take it from a CA who is now a full-time writer :)
The Corporate Life Handbook - The only book your desk (and desktop) needs
How to Deal with Heartbreak - An insightful way to think your way out of a broke heart