Your struggle is the best gift you have
It is gold in disguise
Raw and Real Conversation
Last week, I picked up Matthew Perry’s autobiography.
For those who don’t know, he is the guy who played the iconic role of Chandler Bing in the popular sitcom FRIENDS.
In his memoir, Perry talks about his decades long battle with addiction.
The addiction to get rid of which he spent millions of dollars.
2 things that stood out to me, that led to his addiction:
His parents were separated when he was a kid. Matthew went on to live with his Mom in Canada, while his father stayed back in USA. At the age of 5, Perry was dropped on an airplane to fly from Canada to USA alone. Alone. He was called the “unaccompanied minor” as per the airlines lingo.
This led to a lifelong feeling of not being enough. “If I’d been enough, they wouldn’t have left me unaccompanied, right?” says Matthew, “The other kids had parents with them. I had a sign and a magazine.”On another instance, the night prior to he leaving from Canada to be with his father in the US, as a teenager, Perry says was one of the worst nights of his life. His both grandparents and mother were crying, yelling, screaming upstairs, and grandparents would periodically come down and yell at him. That night, he felt he was a broken human being.
Multiple instances after that as well, on how his father was a perpetual drinker, or how one drug from a doctor one night made him feel good, so the doctor supplied him 40 more drugs, and the cycle went on infinitely.
However, what stood out for me was Matthew confessing that he used to think fame would change everything. Everything. This is pre-FRIENDS era.
Come money.
Come fame.
Come everything in the outside world.
But nothing material could ever fill the spiritual hole of loneliness.
Something he realised quite late in his life. Until then, probably 50 years of his life were gone.
Let me repeat it for those at the back:
You can be starring in FRIENDS, be paid a million dollars every week (this is 20 years back!), have a career success most people don’t even dare to dream of, and still not be at peace within.
If we look at it logically, here’s why:
Money buys you comfort, convenience and luxuries.
And it buys time.
But it doesn’t buy you joy.
Nor does it buy the peace with your loved ones.
Or the peace to accept yourself and to be okay with who you are.
It is something you have to earn, every single day.
Through conversations with yourself.
Through difficult life situations, no matter how rich you are.
So, what do you and I do, if we are not having peaceful relationships in our life?
Here is something that has helped me:
Make a list of good things about that person. No matter how much effort it takes. Doing it consistently will shift your relationship at a quantum level. (I read this in the book The Magic by Rhonda Byrne. Helped tremendously.)
Surround yourself in the right environment, with people like whom you want to become. In his early acting years, Matthew Perry saw his father drink alcohol every night. A habit he eventually picked up, and picked up hard and bad.
Good wisdom, good books, good content is non-negotiable. A lot of times Perry shares in the book how The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous helped him reflect, and even made him cry. Good books are like a warm hug from a much-needed friend, just at the right place at the right time.
I understand I can never fully understand what Perry went through. Maybe none of us can.
What I know for sure, though, is he was a good man. Maybe his fears took the best of him for most of his life.
But if we can do the tiniest to reward his legacy, or perhaps to live a better life, or to deal with the loud or quiet loneliness that surrounds each one of our lives; we would have made the world a much richer place.
Work on yourself, my friend.
It is a richness money won’t ever be able to buy.
Raw One-Liners
Discipline is hard. Otherwise everyone would be doing it.
Love (true love, not the usual Insta story romantic) has the power to heal every single thing in the world
Real Gratitude:
Yesterday, 2 gentlemen came over to replace my car battery. My landlord had called them, since they were a known team to my landlord for years. The two men radiated a sense of joy and commitment to their work, the one that did not go to the levels of ego yet a calm confidence that makes you feel pride in working with people like him.
Their faces were lit, yet it was a confidence that came from within, not from a place of “fake it till you make it”.
They were hands on with their knowledge, knew that the battery won’t suffer ever, and offered to be available should there be any issues.
The way most of us (sometimes myself included) are running after money, I believe those are the kind of people who really, really inspire me.
That is it, ladies and gentlemen.
I hope you liked today’s edition.
Stay raw, stay real
Nishtha
About me: I am Nishtha Gehija, a CA and an Internal Auditor turned full time writer. I specialise in writing of books, and have written/ghostwritten ~14 books so far. I hope you find my writing useful :)
If you have any feedback or questions, please feel free to write to me on writer@nishtha.blog.
Whenever you are ready, here are some of my ebooks that would help you (you can access them instantly):
The Corporate Life Handbook: The book everyone working a corporate job needs :)
The Career Changing Guide: My bestseller so far :)
How to Deal with Heartbreak: Because, life happens :(
Every Writer Needs to Read this: I wish I had this one, when I was starting out as a writer
This is What You are Looking for: Small Life Lessons for a Happier Life